From One Dad to Another
March 16, 2009
I have a few friends and acquaintances who will become first time fathers in 2009… I wanted to give them a little piece of advice–actually two pieces of advice:
1. No matter how much they cry or scream or whine, DO NOT LET YOUR KID SLEEP IN YOUR BED. Because if they have hotdogs for dinner and get extremely sick, they WILL throw up on you or your wife and ruin your light-colored bedding.
2. Once your kid is old enough to ride a bike, ALWAYS CHECK BEHIND YOUR VEHICLE BEFORE BACKING OUT OF THE GARAGE. Because if you don’t, you will undoubtedly run it over–and maybe even drag it into the street before realizing that you just destroyed your child’s preferred mode of summertime transportation. And even though it wasn’t your fault, IT IS YOUR FAULT. It’s always your fault.
For Scott O. and Paul F.
Please Don’t Send Your Sick Kid Over to My House
March 12, 2009
So I’m watching the kids on Monday morning and one of the neighborhood kids comes to the door to see if my daughter (4-years old) can play. I invited her in and before too long I noticed that she was coughing a lot–and it was odd that a six year old girl was not in school with the other first graders. So I asked her “Don’t you have school today?”
She replied with the following, which I will never forget: “Yes, but my mommy says I have to stay home today because I’m sick. She said she doesn’t want me to get the other kids at school sick.”
But she let you come over to MY house?! What the crap?! Needless to say, I sent the little girl on her way shortly thereafter.
Burping Worms May Contribute to Climate Change
March 5, 2009
Burping worms?! You’ve got to be kidding. If you just ate, you may want to wait 30 minutes or so before reading on…
Aquatic animals that feed on lake and stream bottom sediments burp out small amounts of nitrous oxide, a potent greenhouse gas, a new study finds.
While the biological emissions from these critters pales in comparison to the nitrous oxide emitted by fossil fuel burning, their contribution could increase as more and more nitrogen-rich fertilizer runs off into lakes, streams and seas, the authors of the study said.
Nitrous oxide (N2O) is more commonly known to anyone who has sat in the dentist’s chair as laughing gas.
In the atmosphere it is a powerful greenhouse gas, packing about 310 times the punch as the same weight of carbon dioxide (though carbon dioxide is still the bigger driver because there is much more of it).
Studies of soil-dwelling earthworms had showed that the creepy crawlies emitted nitrous oxide because of the nitrogen-converting microbes they gobbled up into their guts with every mouthful of soil.
Reminder: 911 Is For Emergencies ONLY
March 3, 2009
Leave it to the Floridians. Another one has called 911 for a food emergency (see SUBWAY LEAVES SAUCE OFF SANDWICH). Don’t get me wrong; I love my McNuggets as much as anyone else, but this is ridiculous.
MARCH 3–Angered that her local McDonald’s was out of Chicken McNuggets, a Florida woman called 911 three times to report the fast food “emergency.” Latreasa Goodman, 27, last Saturday called police to complain that a cashier–citing a McDonald’s all sales are final policy–would not give her a refund. When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, “This is an emergency. If I would have known they didn’t have McNuggets, I wouldn’t have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don’t want one.” Goodman noted, “I called 911 because I couldn’t get a refund, and I wanted my McNuggets,” according to the below Fort Pierce Police Department report.
