From One Dad to Another

I have a few friends and acquaintances who will become first time fathers in 2009… I wanted to give them a little piece of advice–actually two pieces of advice:

1. No matter how much they cry or scream or whine, DO NOT LET YOUR KID SLEEP IN YOUR BED. Because if they have hotdogs for dinner and get extremely sick, they WILL throw up on you or your wife and ruin your light-colored bedding.

2. Once your kid is old enough to ride a bike, ALWAYS CHECK BEHIND YOUR VEHICLE BEFORE BACKING OUT OF THE GARAGE. Because if you don’t, you will undoubtedly run it over–and maybe even drag it into the street before realizing that you just destroyed your child’s preferred mode of summertime transportation. And even though it wasn’t your fault, IT IS YOUR FAULT. It’s always your fault.

For Scott O. and Paul F.

$273M Satellite to Study Global Warming Gases Lost, Crashes Near Antarctica

Local Findings Show Nothing Warm About Antarctica

The centrepiece satellite of Nasa’s $280 million climate-change mission crashed into the sea near Antarctica today after a launch failure, delivering a blow to the agency’s attempts to understand global warming.

The carbon dioxide-monitoring satellite was fired on a rocket from Vandenberg Air Force Base in California, but after blasting through the Earth’s atmosphere it fell short of its orbiting height and plummeted back towards the sea.

The orbiting carbon observatory (OCO) satellite was designed to map carbon dioxide on Earth to provide an important step forward for scientists attempting to understand climate change.

McDonald’s Sued Over Woman’s Naked Buns

McDonald’s is known for its cheap meat — but after a bad trip to the burger joint, one guy’s wife allegedly became cheap meat.

McD’s just got served by a guy who allegedly left his cell phone — which contained nude photos of his wife — at the Arkansas restaurant, only to find the nude pics posted online.

Phillip Sherman was assured by employees they’d keep the phone safe, yet the photos — along with Sherman’s phone number and address — somehow found their way onto the Internet.

The couple claims they had to move to a new house to get away from his wife’s new stalkers. Sherman wants 3 mil for their troubles. Courtesy of TMZ

Voter Registration Material Sent to Pet Goldfish

CHICAGO – The only “agent of change” Princess ever supported was the person who freshened the water in her fishbowl.

So election officials in Chicago’s northern suburbs want to know why voter registration material was sent to the dead goldfish. 

Full Story

You Can’t Make This Stuff Up

The Wisconsin Hospital Association has “suggested” that Wisconsin hospitals not bill patients or insurance companies for certain mistakes made to patients while in treatment. If I were a patient and somebody left a medical instrument in my body, I would sue the pants off them. 

Excuse Me, But Are You GAY?

Talk about using words out of context…

Customer Takes Frustrations Out on 911 Operator

Jacksonville police say Reginald Peterson needs to learn that 911 is not the appropriate place to complain that Subway left the sauce off a spicy Italian sandwich.

FULL STORY AND AUDIO HERE

Love Bites

I don’t know if anyone else does this, but I have a long “wish list” of songs and albums that I want to add/download to my iTunes music library whenever time/money permits me to do so. I update and add to this list on a regular basis.

One of my co-workers brought in a Def Leppard CD last week–which just so happened to be on my list. She was kind enough to let me borrow it for a few days. Before leaving the house yesterday, I ran downstairs to grab the CD and with no case, I put it in the most logical place I could think of at the time–my back pocket.

I then drove to work and a few hours later felt a stabbing sensation in my right buttock. I reached into my back pocket, trying to figure out just what the heck was biting me when I realized… oh… crap. My butt shattered the Def Leppard CD. Never before have I borrowed something and broke it before being able to return it. How embarrassing.

Did I tell my co-worker about it? No. Not right away. I’m still waiting for the right moment.

On a more positive note, I did manage to import the entire album into my iTunes music library prior to breaking it. There is now a deluxe version of Def Leppard’s Greatest Hits scheduled for release later this week–on a special, one-of-a-kind, silver-coated disc. Sorry, Jenny. I know how much you love your Def Leppard. You know what they say… Love Bites.